God made the male man and then the woman and instituted marriage in His holy presence. What God has to say about the marriage institution therefore is the operational manual for its effectiveness. Any marital breakup is traceable to the noncompliance of both parties to the laws of marriage. Everything God made is governed by laws and disregarding these laws have resulted in the conundrum and ineffectiveness we see in many marriages today. I would want to share with you some of my discoveries since I got married.
The Male Man is the Foundation for the Family
In God’s wisdom He introduces the male man first when he wanted to set up the first family. The male was the foundation upon which the woman and children were going to be built. This is indicative of the awesome responsibility on the male man. The male man is responsible for the success or failure of the home. Once you choose a wife everything thereafter is your responsibility. Your responsibility begins with your choice. I don’t think I had a full appreciation of the enormity of the responsibility before I got married. Sadly many young people I talk to who are planning on getting married are literally clueless about the responsibility of becoming a husband. They are blinded by the funfair of the ceremony. Some spend more time preparing for the event than they spend increasing their wisdom and deepening their understanding of marriage.
The Male Man Malfunctions Without Work
Man is wired to work. In fact the first conversation God had with man was not his need for a wife but his mandate to work. This is so because a woman is essentially an embodiment of help. A male man must know what he wants in life for him to appreciate the value a woman brings to the table. All things being equal the confidence of an unemployed but married man will be lower than a working but unmarried man. Now why is that? Work is fuel for a man. Work is how a man expresses himself. A non-working man is absent even when he is present. Unemployment or an unproductive engagement therefore is one of the biggest threats to having effective marriages. A working man is more likely to marry than a non-worker. If a man finds his work he will find his woman. When a man commits to working out what God has put inside him, he commits God to bring him gifts; one of such precious gifts is a woman.
You Will Not be in Marriage What You are not as a Single Person
I hold this opinion that marriage is a platform for personal development and self-improvement for those who want effective marriages. You shouldn’t expect from marriage what you have failed to invest into it. Great people make a great couple. You must appreciate the place of personal quality in effective marriages. If you are spineless, marriage won’t give you a back bone of steel unless you are willing to change. And very few people really change at the core in marriage. If you are profligate you will not become frugal just because you are married. In other words sexual promiscuity is an itch that marriage cannot scratch.
That you are Meant for Each Other is not Sufficient for Success in Marriage
Don’t be deceived; it takes more than ‘we were made for each other’ to have an effective marriage. You can be destined for each other but if you disregard the laws of marriage and relationship you may crash your marriage and end up on the marital junk heap. Fulfillment in marriage is impossible without adhering to the laws that govern it. Without a clear understanding of the laws you will be an emotional disaster. Get wisdom. Reach for knowledge deliberately. Nobody becomes a lawyer or a medical doctor by accident. One must understand a body of knowledge through conscious education. And yet when it comes to marriage, once a person can afford the expenses of the ceremony he thinks he is ready to be called a husband.
Marrying a Believer is Necessary but not Sufficient for Marital Success
I don’t think anybody will argue with the assertion above given the evidence of failed Christian marriages. If every believer were committed to personal development and growth through the renewal of their minds, then at that level of maturity one could say marrying a believer will be sufficient for success in marriage. Marriage is an open and intense relationship and so without a real commitment from each spouse to becoming better it will not work. Don’t hide behind religion, become a great person of quality. Push yourself constantly to be a breath of fresh air to your spouse. It is a dogged determination to serve your spouse with your best self.
Take action.
Rule and subdue the earth!